I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
