3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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