so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
