sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
