he puts the penis in happiness.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
