I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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