I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
