I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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