Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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