my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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