She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
