i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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