i don't like sucking hair
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
