Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
