shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
