This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
