You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
