Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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