I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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