Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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