Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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