Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
