He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
