I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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