I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
