I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
