careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
