Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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