Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
