i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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