He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
