last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
