she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
