dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
