Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
