its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I party with great urgency now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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