True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
