White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
