You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
