And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
