He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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