am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
