he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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