I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
