When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
