My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
