don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
