I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
