My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
