I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
