I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
