I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
