He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
