this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
