I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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