I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
