I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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