You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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