and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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