apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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