Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
