Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
