I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
