oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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