I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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