omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
