That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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