did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
