so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
