In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
