How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
