a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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