we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
