what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
