I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
