I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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