Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
