I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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