wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
