it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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