You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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