i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
