If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
