You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
