just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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