proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sext me about skeletons
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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