One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
