Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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