Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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