The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
