Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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